Marriage is a relationship of equal partnership. Both husband and wife should be love, careful, respectful, truthful, and loyal. The very essence of marriage is based on compatibility and love for each other. We will talk about the traits of dominant husbands here.
Compatibility in the marital relationship by couples is equality and respect.
Teams need to have fun together and enjoy the quality time they spend together. Statistics reveal that most of the cases of falling marriages are due to compatibility issues. Some of the vital signs of compatibility are:
- Sharing core values.
- Listening to each other’s points of view, even during an argument.
- Overlapping interests
- Acceptance of responsibility and mistakes.
- Quality of mutual apologies
People always say that in marriages, love and compatibility come hand-in-hand. One cannot fix the absence of others.
Features like dominating partners, be it the dominant husband or the wife, unsatisfied partners, untruthful partners, etc. cause stress in a marriage.
An online survey conducted in the year 2016 revealed that more than 70 percent of women claimed their marriage to be not complete and want it to be better. A significant portion of these unsatisfied wives has claimed to have dominant husbands. So we observe that these dominant husbands are quite a reason for concern.
Let us discuss more of these husbands being dominant in a relationship.
Dominance about either of the partners might invite unwanted toxicity. The following are some of the traits of a dominant husband.
Traits of Dominating Husbands
1. Rigidity and Controlling:
Rigidity, stubbornness, and agitated behavior are some of the signs of a dominant husband. They like to control every aspect of their partner’s life.
Such relationships become toxic and a burden to the wife. They like things to be the way they want them to be.
2. Demand more and Contribute less
Running a successful household is the responsibility of both partners. Often we observe that the male counterparts are reluctant to be equal participants in domestic work or household work. They want things to naturally and effortlessly come to them. This brings inequality and differences leading to un-satisfaction in marriage.
3. No value to counterpart’s opinions
Equality starts from equal treatment. An ideal couple needs to be impartial and listen to the opinions on both sides.
This brings understanding, maturity, and love. The views give each other an idea of the feelings of the other and help the relationship flourish. Often the superior one in the relationship avoids or ignores to listen to the opinion of their counterpart. This creates mental stress and suffocation in the relationship.
4. Persuasive and intimidating behavior:
They often tend to persuade or force their partners as per their own will and not actually according to their partner’s wishes or desires. This brings the dependency and reliability of the females on their male counterparts.
The male also tends to use various methods to intimidate, make their partners scared by using force, power, money, emotional blackmail, etc. This makes relationships very toxic, and women start to stay inferior and scared, and not raise their voices against any injustice done to them.
5. No Proper Communication:
Communication is the best key to solve any problem, be it professional, personal, or any. Mere words can solve huge problems. In the case of marriages, it becomes even more essential to have correctly established communication since both the partners are the ones staying with each other for a significant period.
Dominant husbands do not like to have much contact with their wives as they believe their wives are inferior to them and cannot understand their views or even worse, some believe that their wives do not deserve to know about their husbands’ lives.
6. Hate Confrontations:
Dominant husbands hate to be confronted or questioned. They believe this to be like disrespect to their aura and their superiority in a relationship. They want their partners to think and agree with everything they say and do not have any say.
Such differences upset the wife, and she starts to go through mental stress and family pressure. They want to break free from the toxic relationship and feel happy again. They want to have their own space and their own will and say in things. Such feelings create distress and differences in relationships.
7. Arbitrary financial decisions:
It is often said that money comes from power. The person with a higher salary starts to feel superior- which in most cases, they are husbands.
Dominant husbands get assertive and affirmative about the financial decisions of the house. Even if the wife is earning, they tend to seize their salary and utilize it according to their will and not their partners’ wishes.
8. Degrading Comments:
Degrading comments about their wife about their looks, their education, their profession, their knowledge, their views, etc., are significant signs of Dominant husbands.
They often tend to stay indifferent to the environment or the people around them. Such people can bring public humiliation or insult to their counterparts. Living with such people gets a formidable job, and wives start to face image issues regarding their bodies, personalities, colors, etc. They take them closer to stress and mental illnesses in return.
9. Demanding instant obedience:
Such husbands want their wives to stay very obedient to them in terms of respect, consent, etc.
They like to be called with respect and hate the use of nick-names. Here lacks the feeling of oneness, love, or belongingness.
From all these points, we conclude that dominant husbands could be a part of more significant problems. They need to be controlled in time to minimize the damage to the wife’s life in terms of health and peace.
Steps to Control Dominant Husbands:
Often, the husbands’ controlling behavior frequency is considerable, destroying the peace and calmness of the wives’ lives. In many instances, wives have been seen to divorce their husbands on such grounds, but some love their husbands a lot and want to change their behavior.
Here are some of the points about how to control dominating husbands and regain independence.
These steps can be divided into three different parts:
Handling Major Instances Of Controlling Behaviour:
1. Stay Calm
Most people tend to argue against their rigidly controlling husbands. Unfortunately, as a part of their natural behavior, dominating husbands are unlikely to give up and accept their mistake or apologize for the same.
There are specific ways by which wives can show their disagreements without being disrespectful or yelling and shouting. Use phrases like “I see your perspective, but have you considered this?” makes statements sound more calm and respectful.
2. Ask the Controller to Develop a Plan
In some places, the treatment of the disease is in the condition itself. Similarly, in many instances, the concerned wives can politely explain (in ways like “I feel I am unable to manage things on my own and am too reliable on you” could be the words of the wife while talking to her husband) the entire scenario to their dominating husbands and ask them to come up with a plan to tackle the situation.
3. Be Empathetic
The extreme dominant nature of a person could also be a part of their bitter history or a painful experience. A wife needs to try to look at things from her husband’s perspective and analyze the situation.
This comfort in the relationship would also encourage their partners to open up and come out to their wives to explain their behavior.
4. Ask Constructive Questions
The wives should know how to tackle or turn the focus if their male counterparts begin to criticize them or interrogate them.
The use of words like “Did you explain what you wanted me to do?” would be a better way to escape the situation. Also, at such times, wives should avoid getting defensive, enhancing, or encouraging the dominating behavior.
Correcting Recurring Patterns of Controlling Behaviour
1. Be Prepared for Denial
Often, the controller doesn’t even know that they are dominant, which hurts their counterparts. A survey says that many of the controlling husbands feel as if they are being controlled, making them insecure and hence dominating in turn.
So firstly, the wives need to make their husbands realize their dominant nature. Some points to keep in mind while doing so are trying to be as respectful as possible while having this conversation to save the marriage.
- Do not upset your counterpart.
- Try to explain using examples of their controlling behavior.
2. Set Boundaries
After the conversations, it is the time for desires and the wishes of the wife. Wives need to mention the level of toleration they are willing to have and what changes they want as part of their husbands’ behavior.
3. Enforce Consequences
The male counterparts might need to remind of their wives’ limits more often. This could also be a good idea to decide the worst-case scenario’s consequences in the long run.
The wives need to be rigid with their decision to change their husbands and stand by it.
4. Seek Counselling
In case wives are unable to control the extreme dominance in their husbands’ behavior, this is when a family counselor or a marriage counselor comes into play. Such a professional helps prove to be bliss in case of a troubled or a failing marriage.
Trying a couple’s therapy will give the wife and the husband the much-required opportunity to speak to each other about their problems and seek the marriage counselor’s guidance. Individual therapy would also help the husband develop reasons for their dominant nature like low self-esteem or a traumatic childhood.
Regaining Control of Your Own Life
1. Do not Allow Yourself to be Isolated
The third part involves the changes required in the female’s behavior. In most cases, the dominant husbands do not allow their wives to have quality time and instead force them to stay alone at home.
In such cases, wives must stand up for themselves and fight for their rights. They have equal rights to fun as their husbands. They should start with the encouragement of their hobbies and re-connectivity with their friends.
2. Avoid Internalizing Criticism
Criticism by husbands often leads to deteriorating self-esteem in wives. Wives must be self appreciating about their personality and their talents, keeping their morale boosted.
3. Don’t Feel Guilty or Obligated.
Many spouses use guilt-card to control their partners. Wives must know how to tackle this tactic of their dominant husband. The husbands might even use the emotional angle to hold on to their wives.
4. Stay True to Your Beliefs.
Beliefs, here, are about political ideology, religion, faith in God, etc. The doctrines of a person form the fundamental essence of his/her life. Hence an individual needs to hold on to their beliefs and do not change them. Wives must continue with their thoughts to maintain their peace and serenity.
5. Be Willing to Walk Away from an Unhealthy Relationship.
Finally, it is essential for the wives to realize their worth and do not compromise their health, respect, or dreams for the sake of a toxic and unhealthy marriage.
They should feel free to walk out of the wedding if it harms their dignity in any way.
From the given article, we also realize the need for a woman to come out to their husbands or their families in case of distress to avoid overstraining of their health and fitness.
Also, women should not choose to keep quiet and ignore such signs of an unhealthy marriage, as a small sign of domination today might also lead to a more significant scene of abuse or harassment tomorrow.