I know some of you might be suffering from relationship stress; some of you might be suffering from over indulgences from your partners, and some Microsoft ring due to boundaries set up by another person. But never mind all relationships are not the same, and all connections are not meant to be broken; yes, I am not talking about the toxic relationships.
A person who is over-indulged in your life or over-possessive about you is indeed in too much love with you. I am not asking you to keep being a part of such relationships; I am just asking you to look forward before parting away to see that if there is some way out to make this relationship fruitful? It is tough to anticipate and date someone with a fear of intimacy. If you are also dating someone with a fear of intimacy, this is undoubtedly for you.
Joanne Davilla of Stony Brooks University through her research suggests the association of Relationships, experiences and romance activities with depression Syndrome. Dating relationships can be impacted by Individual traits like Personality disorders and interpersonal styles as such.
Adolescence mental health, Victimisations can have a lasting impact on relationships. It can have negative implications on dating relationships like intimacy issues for teenagers and adults.
What are Dating Intimacy Issues?
Generally, intimacy issues are four different types — ranging from Intellectual, emotional, sexual and experiential ones. Many people cannot share their thoughts and feelings with others, which may lead to many misunderstandings.
Such people have a lot of problems in opening themselves up emotionally and sexually. The leading cause for such issues might be childhood problems that have led them to behave in a certain way that they will feel rejected every time they are in a relationship. This may also happen if such people have had troubled past relationships.
11 Sure Ways to Deal With Intimacy Issues
The solution is not just giving up on these people or putting them aside and not giving a chance to fall in love for a lifetime. We should take up some steps and show them that we do love them, and we should teach them how to overcome these issues with love and care rather than anger outbursts over such people.
1. Make them feel that they belong to you
Nowadays, relationships are not easy, but it is essential to focus and give your time over the person before deciding that it is just a waste of time. It would help if you made efforts to make such a person feel that he/she belongs to you. It is essential to bring in the sense of belongingness where the person can share his/her feelings with you openly.
Try to initiate your talks in a better way, this will reduce the dating someone with a fear of intimacy You can try talking and sharing about yourself each day and asking the person about how their day has been and what did he/she think the whole day. It would help if you affirmed them with messages like having a good day or maybe a simple miss.
“Don’t forget to invest at least an hour a day on the person you love, because the main essence of a relationship lies in intimacy and intimacy comes with the time you spend.”
2. Perfect Imperfections – No one is perfect
People who have intimacy issues have thought that they want certain things to happen in a certain way. They should know that all items will not happen the way they desire. All people will not behave the way they like. Things won’t fall exactly the way they want. They need to know that their imperfections are perfect. The need to be told and made to believe that they are not perfect, and all marks are acceptable.
They need to be taught that they do not have to run behind perfectionism because this would only lead them to stress. Perfectionism will make such people feel worse about their conditions, and they would suffer hypertension more and more as soon as things don’t fall their way. And with hypertension comes up with many psychological disorders like anxiety, panic disorders, social anxiety disorder, agoraphobia, separation anxiety disorder etc.
3. Stop Sabotaging Relationships
Dating someone with the fear of intimacy is not at all easy because these people tend to find critical imperfections out of you. They point out each and everything of your Behavior. It might become challenging for you to function and do things out of your choice. But these people can be taught that they shouldn’t be critical the way they are.
Your partner loves you but is unable to express it, your partner suddenly turns unlovable, and you realize that this relationship is just a waste of time, and you end up parting away. But you are not right at this decision may be, these people have intimacy issues which make them feel very insecure about you.
They want you to only be with them just because they have undescribed jealousies. The solution is to treat them with the utmost care and attention, and within some time, they would stop sulking.
4. Teaching them that Self-Love is essential.
You could indeed plan out some activities with your partner, wherein they can spend time with themselves, and you are just the facilitator. If you are dating someone with a fear of intimacy, you need to take care that you teach them and make them practise self-love every day.
They should understand the meaning of self-compassion and do those activities which they love to do. It’s good to give these people some space within informed consent that you are busy somewhere; otherwise, instead of giving time to themselves, they would run behind the thought of where you are.
Assign them different tasks to do each day, which will make them believe in themselves. The root cause of someone with the fear of intimacy is a lack of self-belief and self-esteem
5. Understand Goals – Setting Up Realistic Goals
Someone with the fear of intimacy has no idea or perfect direction of what goals they have to choose in life. You shall try to make them understand and recognize their real goals and experience and let go of the past.
You both could sit down and do some activities wherein you create a bucket list for your dreams together. It would help if you made another person feel that they are unusual and can achieve their goals. Make sure to create realistic goals and begin with short and easy ones because only real ones come true. They should be made to realize that the way these little dreams are coming true, the big ones would also undoubtedly become a reality. They need to focus on themselves.
6. Let Go of the Past
If you are dating someone with a fear of intimacy then you should understand that you need to be admired present time as this is a gift that is for them. They should be taught that living in the present is essential. Your partner is busy thinking about the past and is just talking about the same things, this is why you ask how to date someone with intimacy issues?
Such people are either rejected by parents or might have had some sexual abuse. They might have lived in an enmeshed family structure where they are more involved in each other than required.
They should be made to understand that the relationships that had been disturbing and ruining him or her are past now. Someone with the fear of intimacy should be taught that letting go of the past is is essential to shape a better future.
7. Communication is the Key
For a better and fruitful relationship or dating with someone with a fear of intimacy, you should know how to communicate most efficiently.
Rather than shouting and screaming on one another, you should take time to understand that both of you have different thoughts and opinions.
It is essential to know that both these thoughts are a valuable part of the relationship. There is no use of neglecting the other person’s beliefs because it would lead to causing misunderstandings.
It would help if you learned to accept that someone else has a different thought pattern than you do. Building up tolerance and acceptance for another is the key to a fruitful relationship.
8. Avoid Sulking and Jealous Behavior
For the question of how to date someone with intimacy issues, the answer lies in the fact that insecurity leads to a decline of relationships. Both people in a relationship should understand that you both have a life individually, especially someone who has a few of intimacy should be made to realize that it is not just him/her who exists in another person’s life.
Crying and sulking over misplaced jealousies is the root cause of many break-ups and short relationships.
9. Stop Setting up Limits for Another Person
Someone who has a fear of intimacy is not someone who won’t understand things; these people, on the correct guidance, can be taught that this behaviour is maladaptive.
Of course, these people can be treated with better love and care. In the beginning, it would be very tough for you to inform each and everything that you are doing, but gradually they will understand that everyone has a life. They need to indulge in it individually.
Someone who has a fear of intimacy will set limits for you because he/she would surely be jealous or have insecurities about you leaving him or her or maybe falling for someone else. The visualize you in the worst situation possible, e.g., considering another person fall in love with you, or the other person is just here to take the love of his or her life away. The belief in false discrepancies set up by themselves might start accusing you of the same in the upcoming future.
10. There are Positive Solutions
Such people should be taught that not all problems are harmful, and not all issues have negative conclusions. They should be taught about coping strategies, and they must be taught how to apply them in daily life situations.
They should be made to understand that everything does not have a negative impact, and everything is not harmful. They should be taught that not every action is just made to ruin their trust in another person. I understand such people make a truly difficult for you to even have good relations with your very close friends, but you should have the courage to make that person feel that not every action is wrong.
11. Go for a Break
If you have been searching for the question of how to date someone with intimacy issues, you might have also thought to break up every time you get irritated about sulking behaviours. I can understand that you might have been trying a lot to face this, and you have already tried to solve this problem many times.
If you cannot part away from that person just because you feel that I would be against someone who would break his/her trust and he/she would be back on level 1. The better solution for you is to go for a break for some time. This little break will give you time for yourself and leave another person to think about the problems he or she has been creating just due to over criticism.
It would help if you made the person realize that their sulking behaviours have to lead you to feel sad. Give them this little break to understand that their relationship was not for granted, and their sulking Behavior has made you feel stuck and in prison-like situations.
It only depends upon you if you want to continue a relationship or not. But everyone should be given a chance to improve the shortcomings because life is too short to live. Someone with the fear of intimacy is not easy to date, but if you believe in the power of love, you will surely overcome these little problems and handle them with love and care.